I often feel that I am fighting against myself. Or "my self" fights another "my self".
I decide in the morning that I will do this and that during the day. I decide the schedule, how much I will eat, what I will do when I have some time at work, what I will read, how much I will practise playing musical instruments after work, and so on. I am happy with the plan, energised, and look forward to the day.
A few hours later, completely different thoughts emerge in my brain. I am getting very unhappy having to stick to my plan, because I realise that I will lose something else. If I stick to the schedule, I may miss something important that has just emerged. If I stick to my meal plan, I will be extreme hungry, weak, and angry. If I practise playing piano for 2 hours after work, I miss contact with my daughter.
And slowly I will depart from my original plan.
Then I am angry that I did not follow my plan. But on the other hand, I would be equally angry if I did.
Which part of me is the true self?
I truly respect your feelings for the genuine thoughts. Your choice of words defines how your thought process works. With all due respect, you have to find and place a "buffer" time in your everyday plan totally unplanned as to what to think, yet, available think space, ready to garner the happiness you will end up eventually. It might work because, it is kind of planned, but, interestingly, unplanned too for your "self" and the "other conflicting self" respectively. Isn't it all about the satisfaction we get when we do what we love the most. The conflict needs space to be worked upon, do not drive it away, rather, capitalize on it to move further. -- Best Regards --
ReplyDeleteThanks. This is probably very true, I find myself bouncing between fully scheduled days, on which I get a lot done but I am rather unhappy, and the completely unscheduled days, which are very enjoyable in short term but my long term plans are not moved forward at all. Probably need to balance the two. I have been doing that at work for years, and this seems to be the most effective way forward - a mix of "planned" and "unplanned" time.
ReplyDelete