Do you know what a trogotor is? I do not know either, so it is good. It s good because I used this name to call a strange creature that appeared in my dream today. It was a very simple dream. I lived with my wife somewhere in a big city, in an apartment in a building dating back to the early 60s (I am not sure why this is relevant, but here you go). It was quite nice and comfortable. The only challenge was that somehow we were getting various little animals as unwanted guests. Usually small frogs, or crickets. But this time, it was different. It was something bigger, about the size of a small sub bun. It was black, hairy, and had colourful shiny dots of various sizes, arranged in regular lines of various colours, along its body. As if may daughter covered it with little marbles. One could not say where was the front and where was the back, and one could not see any legs. I did not know what it was. I went to bring my wife to ask if she had ever seen one like this, but when she came there, it had been gone. She spotted it in the other room. That thing must have been moving incredibly fast! We looked at it, and it was sitting there still again. We were wondering what sort an animal it was - a small reptile (but reptiles usually are not hairy), a large caterpillar, or a small mammal? We could not tell. One thing we could say was that it was quite beautiful, but also quite frightening. We decided to get rid of it, and when we looked back to find a tissue or a paper towel to grab it with, it ran away again.
We finally found it behind a bookcase, running on the wall. I grabbed it with a large tissue, and I could feel it wiggle in my hand. I went to the balcony and I wandered where to leave it - on the balcony (we had some plants there), or perhaps ... one of the neighbours (it would not be too nice). My wife asked me to drop it onto the lawn underneath. So I did, but I was not sure if it would survive. And it fell to the ground with quite a visible yellow explosion.
We called it 'trogotor' afterwards. The word was rattling throughout my mind until I woke up in the morning.
I was not sure what to think about that dream until this very moment when I finished writing it down. I think now that it shows that I do run away from beautiful and fascinating things out of fear. Or perhaps other people are too frightened and not curious. And then I lose them. Like we lost the trogodor without even knowing what it was.
I am almost 50 know and every day ends with a feeling that I have not done anything great. Anything great for the society, for the humanity, for the nature. An idea, a product, a service, something useful. I did many some small things for my family and myself. For some reason, these are not enough to keep me satisfied. I am not going to give up trying, still have some time.
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