Yesterday, I had a very reasonable day. I almost fixed a significant computer problem, I completed a long distance run (for the first time for a while), I played a good amount of music, seeing significant improvements, and I learned a new important piece - surprisingly easy.
And then something happened that made the following thoughts appear:
- OK, you completed the 10k, but you should have done 11.5, and much faster. You used to be able to do that. So you are rubbish in fact!
- OK, you found what may have been a problem with this laptop, but you have not fixed it yet, and it took you several weeks. Nothing to be proud of!
- You are ridiculous with this music, it takes you so much time, and you could be doing something sensible in that time. You are too old to become a musician, you should have been thinking of it when you were 14.
I managed to control these thoughts throughout the day. I m still not sure what triggered them yesterday, but I managed to make them silent.
But the monsters reappeared at 4 am. I cannot remember what the dreams were about, the key theme was failure though.
So, I will start a new day, to see if I can fight them better.
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