Monsters getting wild

My monsters are getting wild, so I need to fight them more actively. Yesterday I had my eyes re-checked, and the optometrist found that the refraction measurement I had had a week before may have been incorrect. Anyway, he gave me a reasonably good service (within the limits of what one can expect - unfortunately, I always look to receive a very warm and personal service, while for some reason most doctors prefer being "professional". Perhaps most people prefer them this way? I do not know). And this was enough for me to start worrying - that now the spectacles that will come this weekend (based on the old prescription) will be bad, and I will need to correct them, that I will spend a lot of money (additional visits and re-work not covered by insurance), that all that is taking so much time, and of course, that it is all my fault!

(I am good at it, am I not?)

I managed to get through the evening doing some pleasant things -  I played piano, but my performance was not too good. Then I played badminton in the club, and I was no good either. There was a beautiful lady there playing with us, the type that I just cannot resist staring at, and I could not get rid of the questions in my head - why my wife does not take so good care of herself, probably I am not worth it. In the evening, I read some stuff, had some wine, which did not taste good (and the same wine 4 weeks ago was just perfect). Well, at least I managed to go to sleep.

The monsters got their feast and moved on to dance around me. The dementors came over at 4 am again, woke me up, and sucked all positive feelings out of me. I was tossing in bed, seeing everything in dark colours, and could only see the failure, hopelessness, problems, unhappiness, and no sense of living whatsover. By 5:30 they must have had enough, because they left me alone, and I could "finish" my night.

I did some reading about and found that actually many people and therapist saw a perfect description of depression in J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter books - what dementors do to a person, is exactly what it feels like.

So now I need to find some Patronus charm.