Yesterday evening, I got that feeling of the lack of sense again. "What is the use of getting up every day, going to work that is perhaps OK but really not something that gives me real enjoyment, living in a large home with my family that are OK but nor exactly what I would like, accepting myself when I am, again, OK, but I have no idea how to change it and live really a live I would like to live?" Of course I thought about all the people who struggle materially every day, and to them my thoughts would be an obvious heresy and nonsense, because - from their perspective - I have everything they lack. Well, we know that material things are deceiving, once one has them, once wants more. So material things are not the answer. It is about who I am and what I do, and not what I have (although the latter is important too, if one does not have the basics, one cannot dream. One has to eat. I have been there before, and I know it is not a nice place.).
A dream about failure came again. We were playing with a band at a show, and the public paid for their tickets. And after the first piece, we realised that we do not know how to play anything else; we tried, but it simply did not work. So the public was pissed off, what else would one expect?
Then there was another dream, I was a medical student and we had some classes in a hospital, we were a group of students in a large doctor's office with two or three doctors who were supposed to teach us on that day. One of the doctors asked everyone to introduce themselves to start with, everyone was speaking in an engaged way, who they are, their interests in the subject (I cannot remember what speciality that was), and so on. I could not give a damn. I just said my name.
Now that I have written than I am getting some ideas. The sky is clearing up.
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